Shakespeared
by JubeJube4Nomz
Summary: English project of writing a Shakespearean styled script to any pop culture media, obviously I chose the show which I was viciously addicted to at the time.


Buffy the Vampire Slayer in Shakespeare

(Open stage with spot light on Buffy and Monster in a Graveyard fighting, Monster swings arm towards Buffy, she ducks)

Buffy: Die! You heathen of the underworld! Let Hades hold thee close, allowing thee to never return.

(Buffy kicks monster against a tombstone and unsheathes a dagger)

Buffy: Behold my dagger! Hilt pointed into my hand, the moonlight glistening across the jagged blade.

Monster: Dare not attack! Heaven forbid the death of me.

Buffy: Fiend! Heaven holds no thought of thee. Off thy head will soar.

(Buffy beheads monster)

Buffy: Bellona's Bridegroom doth smile upon me.

(Enter Giles stage left)

Giles: Great warrior, talent holds thee in the highest light.

(Enter Xander, Willow, and Tara also stage left)

Willow: Hail! Thane of the Graveyard, to whom hath slain plenty of the cruel and unwanted.

Tara: Hail! Thane of the Hellmouth, from whence you slain the "Master", who derived from Hades Covent itself.

Buffy: Mock me not dear friends, I slain merely to ensure thy survival in the world furthest from Eden.

Xander: Our mockery shows only our kindest of intentions as thy friends.

Buffy: 'tis the truth you speak, as I know. So, dear watcher, what is for us to battle next?

Giles: at this moment, it seems as though there are none left that are in need of exemption to life. Let us enjoy this break, for 'tis rare to have such a calm night. One in which the air nimbly and sweetly recommends itself unto our greatest senses.

(Willow steps forward to spin in the marvellous night)

Willow: The temple hunting marlet, does approve, by his loved mansionry, that the heaven's breath smells wooingly here: no jutty, frieze, buttress, nor coign of vantage, but this bird hath made his pendent bed and procreant cradle: where they most breed and haunt, I have observed, the air is delicate.

Tara: thy words flow into my ears like poetry from the lute played by none but Orpheus himself.

Willow: (hugging Tara) my dearest, thy words are too sweet for my ears. Each word you unleash filled with more love then the last.

(Enter Spike)

Spike: (speaking to Buffy as Willow and Tara split) How adorable, thy freakiest of pals holding each other in broad moonlight. How twisted is thy nature to allow such sin.

Buffy: If such itself is sin, then is love also casted from the Garden of Eden? I ask only with the knowledge that you, a night crawling creature, hold the highest understanding of everything beyond Eden.

Spike: such painful words you speak, thee of all Slayers doth understand my incapability's of a night crawler. Machine hath found its way into my mind blocking me from harming good.

Buffy: understand I do, but respect is beyond my values towards those of your kind, but none the less I harm you not for you have no defence against the good.

Xander: (Laughing) you, a creature of the night, fails to follow your calling. That is to which I mock thee.

Spike: (nearing Xander) Mock me if you want, but neverless forget who cannot do anything himself. You are not but a mere henchman to Buffy.

Giles: (interrupting Xander from hitting Spike) need not to play with his emotions, must I remind you who you owe thy life to? The one who housed you when machine crippled you from eating.

Spike: Fair is foul, and foul is fair, I'll leave you all to yourselves and I go off to my new place in which I will reside till tomorrow's night.

Giles: so where do thee now lay?

Spike: a castle, long abandoned by its King. A castle which holds the name Dunsinane.

Buffy: now for us to part.

Xander: When shall we meet again in thunder, lightening, or in rain?

Giles: when the hurly-burly returns. When there is a battle to be fought and won.

Buffy: That will be ere the set of sun.

Willow: Where the place?

Giles: 'Tis for thee to choose

Tara: Upon there we are to meet again.

(Exeunt stage left, black out)

(Re-enter Buffy, Xander, Tara, and Willow on school grounds)

Willow: 'Tis a beauty of a morning we see blessed are our eyes are to see such vision.

Tara: True as that may be, but even in the darkest of days my eyes fall blessedly upon thy face.

Buffy: Such perfect of days, one can only hope to have more.

Xander: more of this would be a wondrous thing.

Willow: sadly for such to happen, evil must enter this world no more.

Buffy: My dear companion! Intelligence from thee spills upon my ears!

Willow: by that what does thy mean?

Buffy: To forever live through such beauteous of days, the closure of the Hellgate would repulse all evil beings from this world.

Xander: but how is it believable to which we are capable of such feat?

Tara: Perhaps my outlandish abilities could come of use to be combined with Buffy's forever lasting art of Slaying.

Buffy: golden are thy words. To my watcher we must depart, this goal is to be finished soon I hope. Beauteous days await us.

(Exeunt)

(Re-enter in Giles's shop)

Giles: what brings thee all here? Such a day was meant for al to enjoy, not to hide.

Buffy: Tis precisely of such wondrous days we hope to be everlasting. We scheme to close the gates of hell.

Giles: Mad have you all gone?

Xander: Nay, our goals are driven by the demands for an earthly calm

Giles: Thy greed is overpowered by thy madness.

Buffy: Be that as it may, we still demand to close evil's gate, at least for a week more.

Giles: then it seems we are throwing the time away. To the gate we will travel, but perhaps some help from a friend, sirrah as it may, Spike.

Buffy: then off to Dunsinane we go.

(Exeunt)

(Open stage in Dunsinane Castle at night, the 'Scooby gang' around a tomb stone)

Buffy: (Kicking open the tomb stone) HEY! Lazy knave! Awake from thy slumber.

Spike: (slowly leaving his tomb stone) thy actions are rude in nature, what do thou want from me, a mere defenceless creature.

Buffy: Lower thy lies and follow us to the Gates of Hell. We quest to block any more evil from entering our world.

Spike: But without reoccurring evil, who am I to battle with during the long nights?

Buffy: Consider it a vacation.

Spike: Doesn't matter, forward we go to close the gates, I'm sure that battle alone will satisfy my lust.

Giles: with that said, we shall take our leave.

(Exeunt)

(Enter Buffy, Spike, Giles, Tara, Willow, and Xander. Buffy, Spike, and Giles have medieval weaponry. Tara and Willow have various magical stuff to which Xander is holding. They stand in front of a gate with a barking mad 3 Cerberus)

Giles: how vicious thy dog from hells womb.

Spike: Lest thee forget 'tis from Medusa's womb spawn thy devils hound.

Xander: I hardly care for whence it came but rather where it will go once slain.

Buffy: That doesn't matter, all we must think of is to slay it and to take its chains and closes these gates for a long time, and time to come.

Tara: to battle my friends.

(All begin to battle. Tara and Willow stand at the back readying their wizardry.)

Willow: Thrice the brinded cat hath mew'd.

Tara: Thrice; and once the hedge-pig whined.

Willow: Harpier cries "'tis time, 'tis time."

Tara: Round about the cauldron go; In the poison'd entrails throw. Toad, that under cold stone days and nights has thirty-one swelter'd venom sleeping got, boil thou first i' the charming pot!

Both: Double, Double, Toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

Willow: Eye of Newt, and Toe of Frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder's fork, and blind-worms sting, lizards leg, and owlet's wing, for a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

Both: Double, Double, Toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

Tara: Liver of blaspheming Jew, gall of goat, and slips of yew, silver'd in the moon eclipse, nose of Turk, and Tartar's lips, finer of birth-strangled babe, Ditch-deliver'd by a

Drab, make the gruel thick and slab; add thereto a tiger's cauldron, for the ingredients of out cauldron.

Both: Double, Double, Toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

(Willow raises a dagger to her finger on top of the cauldron)

Willow: by the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes: open, locks, whoever knocks.

(Willow's spirit medium appears)

Spirit: My liege, what doth thee want.

Willow: Cometh to battle against the hells hound.

Spirit: I Oblige.

(Willow's medium floats towards the Cerberus and tears off one of the heads)

Buffy: thy medium is ruthless in the eye of battle.

Willow: A thanks hath said.

(Giles and Spike both slice off the second head. Buffy then runs up the fallen head then jumps up and beheads the last head with a long sword.)

Xander: Victorious we shalt stand.

Spike: thee shalt stand nowhere, thus thy shall remove the chains from the headless hound.

Giles: (interrupting) Spike doth has a point, it's thee class to collect the chains.

Xander: (aside) it seems as it may that both Spike and Giles hold me in dislike, but for Buffy I will do this.

(Xander lifts the heavy chains from the dead dog's collars)

Buffy: now to close up the gate, for temporary peace it will hold.

(Buffy and Spike close up the gate and chained it shut)

Spike: Back to Dunsinane we shall have our merry way.

(Exeunt hell, re-enter in Dunsinane Castle.)

Xander: Fun we shalt have into the dark of night.

Buffy: Safe for least a week more we shall relax.

Giles: Such then thee shalt still train to stay strong till the chain breaks.

Spike: (aside) What fools these Mortals be.

(Close Scene with fadeout to a spotlight on Giles)

Giles: Thus is the close of this folk lore, 'tis beyond my power to ask for more.

(Exeunt Black out close curtain)


End file.
